4/22/13 Toons+

Jamie

2013-04-22 08:31:41 UTC

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letters W &
P: 
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In Case You Missed It Dept.: 
In his weekly radio address, President Obama said
"the truth is, our deficits are already shrinking." The truth is, not as
fast as the number of people still in the workforce. 
The father of a Connecticut child is furious after
discovering that his son's school is teaching students that Americans don't
have a Second Amendment right to bear arms. I bet when he called them on it,
they immediately defended themselves by quoting the First Amendment. 

I see the gun control bill in the Senate is called
"The Public Safety and Second Amendment Rights Protection Act". Great name.
Like the "Unsinkable" Titanic. 
A new Gallup poll shows that 55% of Americans say
their income taxes are "fair". I'm guessing that'd be the 47% who pay none,
plus a few Obama cabinet appointees. 
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg said that if
you sell a gun to your son, "there's something wrong with your family". Yes.
That it's still living in New York. 
Secretary of State John Kerry said that he discussed
with Chinese government officials investing in America's infrastructure.
Better hurry while we've still got some left. 
 -- Fred Thompson 
New York's disgraced former U.S. Congressman Anthony
Weiner said Sunday he might run for mayor of New York this year. Talk about
nerve. The world is so ready to forgive North Korea for launching a missile,
he thought he'd test the limits of everyone's tolerance. 
Kim Jung Un ordered his strategic rocket scientists
to battle stations Thursday. The signs of war are evident. The U.S. Navy
ordered anti-missile destroyers into the Sea of Japan, and Jane Fonda just
flew to North Korea to be photographed sitting on a missile. 
President Obama asked Congress for money to improve
electric cars Tuesday. It will take awhile. Consumers had big hopes for
Toyota's new electric car until they found out it isn't electrified until
after the accelerator sticks and the car smashes into a light pole. 

Mattel angered Hispanic activists with its new
Mexican Barbie Doll Thursday in their Dolls of the World collection.
Hispanics are angry because the beautiful doll comes with a passport. She
needs it in case she ever travels to a country that has an immigration
policy. 
Anthony Weiner announced he may run for New York
mayor Monday only two years after he resigned from Congress for texting
underwear photos of himself to women. He just got a break. A judge ruled he
may file for mayor using his porn star name, Anthony Weiner. 
North Korea honored Kim Jung-Un's late father Kim
Jong Il who died last year at age seventy. He drank a quart of Cognac a day,
snorted coke, took Cialis and dated teenage girls. You'd think North Korea
would spare Los Angeles if only out of professional courtesy. 
President Obama received a letter from celebrities
and musicians Friday who asked him to ease U.S. drug laws and eliminate jail
time for users and dealers. The petition is no surprise. If cocaine could do
taxes it would list celebrities and musicians as dependents. 
A U.S. judge gave a thief seven years for stealing
President Obama's Teleprompter in Richmond last year. The president never
missed it. He surrounds himself with so many Teleprompters onstage it looks
like he's given himself a one hundred million dollar block grant to go
solar. 
Jay-Z released a rap song ripping President Obama for
not backing him up on his trip to Cuba Friday. He'd just been at the White
House. President Obama is a big fan of hip hop music, in fact he's the first
president to have his own rap nickname, Biggie Deficits. 
The White House admitted last week that ObamaCare
will be more expensive than originally projected. Also, patients won't be
given much time for their medical examination. If you want a second opinion
the doctor goes out the door and comes in again. 
President Obama's tax return showed he only paid
eighteen percent of his income in taxes Monday. He made only half the money
he made last year and only a third of what he earned the year before that.
You can't make it up, even Obama is doing badly under Obama. 
Joe Biden declared Friday that holding a gun feels
like driving a Ferrari and likened gun rights activists to the black
helicopter crowd. Eyes rolled. By now it's no secret that Joe Biden's golf
bag isn't carrying a full set of irons. 
CNN's Wolf Blitzer jumped the gun Wednesday reporting
that the Boston bomber had been arrested. Ten minutes later the network had
to announce that the report wasn't true. CNN is now walking back its story
that Boston is a small island off the coast of Kansas. 
The U.S. Senate heard a bill that lets illegal aliens
stay in the U.S. if they pay back taxes and pass a criminal check and have a
good job. It could be a dealbreaker. Democrats are never going to vote for
an immigration bill that only allows Republicans into the country. 

Anthony Weiner was pleased to see himself running
second in the New York mayor's race in Tuesday's poll. He hasn't declared
yet and he's surging. Ever since Mayor Giuliani ran all the hookers out of
Times Square New Yorkers have been craving adult entertainment. 
 -- Argus Hamilton 
According to a new study, our views on immigration
are changing. For example, when asked if they support a path to citizenship,
40 percent of the respondents said, "Si." 
 -- Leno 
Last night NPR was hacked by a group called the
Syrian Electronic Army. Which explains why for five seconds last night, NPR
was exciting. 
 – Conan 
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First they came for the pressure cookers, and I
didn't speak out, because I didn't use pressure cookers. 
Then they came for the electric skillets, and I
didn't speak out, because I didn't use electric skillets. 
Then they came for the rice cookers, and I didn't
speak out, because I didn't use rice cookers. 
Then they came for dinner, and there were no
appliances left to cook on...